Raise your hand if you are a people pleaser!?
Raise it higher if you struggle saying “no”?!!
RAISE BOTH HANDS UP IF YOU SUFFER FROM SELF INFLICTED GUILT TRIPS?!
Yeah, homie, me too.
Congrats if you could say no to any of the above. Let me know if you have a blog somewhere out there, I’d totally read it. I seriously admire people who can say no without blinking an eye, without worrying if who they said no to still “likes them.” ( I said those words in quotations with my annoying middle schooler voice, because honestly that’s how dumb it feels sometimes that I worry about that.) If you are someone who is good about taking care of you and you watch out for you & yours??
TEACH ME YOUR WAYS, OH WISE ONE!
I think it’s something engrained in us as children, though. Rather it be your personality and just how the good Lord made ya, or it was circumstantial to your upbringing. Either way, if you’re a people pleaser or someone who is good about drawing lines and boundaries, you are you! Wasn’t it Dr. Seuss that said, …”and there’s no one alive that is youer than you.” (Update: I googled it, it was.) Not sitting here saying that one is better or less than the other. Let the record show.
I have tried time & time again to be someone who could take on less and schedule less and do less, but then I just found other ways to do more. To stay occupied. To find outlets to fill the void. That’s just me, I love to be busy. I got home from our honeymoon and from planning our wedding (which took over a year), and instead of giving myself some mental time off? I went right into plans for renovations on our home. (Poor Curtis.) My body hates it! I am an absolute wreck most days! Don’t ask me about my poor joints unless you want to have a 10 minute conversation about how my hip, my knees and my back want to fire me. Theo will be like, “Mama, why are you walking like that?!” and Mama will snap back so. fast. “Let me introduce you to the songs of my generation.”
* Alexa- Play “Pop, Lock & Drop it” *
There’s just no coming back from the damage of that, y’all. We made this bed. Now we gotta suffer the snap, crackle & pop. This is life now. [insert a Ric Flair – wooooo]
Any way… tangent much? My point is, there are days that my aging body doesn’t want to be so busy, but I keep pushing it to do more & more. My mind more so than anything. I love spinning 10 plates at a time. It’s just who I am. People pleaser or not. I get so genuinely hype when a new project falls into my lap. Example? A sweet friend of mine just got engaged, and even though Curtis and I just finished planning our wedding & you’d think I’d be “wedding’d out”? Nah, dude. I’ve already got 3 Pinterest boards firing away at this sweet soul, and she’s all like “maybe we should pick a date first”… and I’m all like, yeah. Yeah, that’s probs important. My bad…. *waits a minute with breath held* ….*exhales dramatically* BUT JUST LOOK AT THIS! & I don’t stop. Can’t stop. Won’t stop. I just sent my sister ideas for her baby’s 1st birthday…. he’s barely 6 months old. Hey Jenn… you know those ideas were poppin’. Don’t get me started on birthdays, though. All of Theo’s are practically planned out til he’s 30…. ha! You think I’m lying though. Don’t judge me lest thou be judgeth!!! Or whatever.
I have all of this and more on an unending loop in my mind. Yet, despite having SO MUCH going on? I still take on more. I joke that my Erin Condren planner is my brain (because it totally is). If it’s not written down in “My Brain”? Forget about it. No literally, I’ll forget about it. I have an unnecessary planner and calendar addiction. I get ridiculously giddy over a new planner and watching the pages fill up!! BRING ON THE CRAZY. For the sake of all things good & punny- bring on the compli-katie-d.
But let’s get real for a second, because the way that I run this loose-anarchy-toddler-terrorist-household ship of mine probably isn’t the most healthy. Mama is quite often on the verge of losing her -ish. So, back to all of you who were raising your hands earlier. Hi, friends. I see you.
[[ I love that that phrase has become a thing, because at first it was a little creepy… “I see you.” My first thought was like, “WHERE?!” *covers self up* *looks around like a crazy person* *whispers* “Where do you see me?! Does she look ok??” ]]
But no, truly. I see you. I see you going above and beyond and outside of the necessary. I see you being the best you can be for your kiddos and for your significant other and for your boss and for ________ (fill in the blank). I see you putting YOU on the back burner (hell, my stove only has 1 burner working, so if I put anything on any other burner than the front right one then ain’t nothing cooking’… ya heard?!) I see you struggling to tell someone no. I see you trying to decide if you should go to that event over taking a mental day at home, and I see you showing up to that event even though you could have easily stayed in those pajamas on your only Saturday off in forever. I see you planning and preparing and cleaning and shopping and taking care of business. I see you, boo. Let me ask you though, what are you doing for you? What could you be saying “no” to… and ultimately, “yes” to instead??
That’s why in 2020 and beyond, I am adopting a new motto. A new self manta, if you will. “Protect Your Peace, Katie.”
What does that mean, exactly? Honestly, I’m kinda taking it day-by-day, but here’s some creative ways I’ve learned to say no without outright saying “no.” I need ways to ease my guilt, I hope some of these maybe help you, too. Or at least give you some kind of idea….
- You know, I would love to do that on <this day> but I just am swamped today. Would <this day> work instead?
- I promised Curtis & the kids that today would be a family day, but why don’t we make plans for getting together <this day>?
- I feel so honored that you’ve asked me to do this, but I know that if I say “yes” to this, I won’t be giving you my best work.
- I am so excited to get some one on one time with you, but I am exhausted after the week I just had. I may just need to take a mental health day <this day> and reschedule with you for another time!
- I am so excited for you! I would love to help you! I know I would be great at doing <this>, would that be useful?
Protecting my peace has also meant taking the lonely high road. Whew, boy that’s easier said than done sometimes. Example… I recently was trolled by someone after my last blog post, Total Transparency, about my faith and other nasty (and very untrue) things they fabricated about me. Boyyyyy, did I want to walk right up to that persons front door and give them a piece of my mind? Sure! I think that’s natural & human. Did I do that? No. Of course not. I took a step back and I considered the individual. I considered the source. I considered what pain that tormented soul must be feeling… and then still, I wanted to walk up to their door. Not to unleash anger on them, but I truly felt bad. Not for them, per se, but I felt bad that they must be feeling lonely or pained. They probably were acting the way they were because they haven’t been blessed with great friends like I have been, and they haven’t been accepted for who they are by many people. That’s tough, y’all. Protecting my peace in that moment meant praying for them and moving on. The old me would have found a way to rebuttal, but instead I just decided to lay it in Gods hands. And you know what? I found that this weight lifted off of me. I didn’t feel obligated to make anything right. I didn’t feel it necessary to counteract their accusations. I knew what was right and wrong in their statements. What did it really matter, y’know? I didn’t care to reach out to them to get in a back-and-forth with them. I protected my peace. How many times can I say that statement in one blog post?? HA! But really…. guard your heart. Guard your mind. Guard your words. Find your circle & guard it with every fiber of your being! Not every action against you deserves a reaction. Sometimes the simplest, easiest but most powerful reaction you can give someone is your silence. It’s hard for me too, so don’t get me wrong…
Now, this doesn’t mean you won’t catch me going toe-to-toe with ya on occasion. Especially if I love you. Fact: I rarely argue with someone unless I love them. Bless thems souls. I am my fathers child and I am rarely wrong when I’m mad (note, I’m saying when I’m mad, not all the time…. I tend to apologize after my hot head has cooled down.) I think I made it pretty clear in previous posts that I am certainly not perfect, and this whole self mantra of “protecting my peace” is new. Therefore, I’m working on what that means and what it looks like. It’s me learning to prioritize my life the way it was Biblically designed for me to… to put God first, my husband second, my children third, … and tacos and margaritas fourth. AMIRIGHT.
I’m planning on being the best me that I can be for my family, my close friends & myself. I’m going to be saying no more to menial stuff, but YES to so much more. YES to the things that bring God glory. YES to time with my family. YES to letting the house be a little (… ok, a lot) messy so that we can make memories. YES to more Girls Night Outs with my besties. YES to Bible Studies I’ve been meaning to do. YES to that tattoo. YES to vacations. YES to monthly hair and nail appointments. YES to that extra cookie from The Batch Maker. (small plug for my favorite baker, post to come!) YES to bubble baths. YES to hitting snooze on a Saturday. YES to …. livin’ my best life.
So, what will you be doing in 2020 to “Protect your peace?” What will you be saying “no” to more? What will that be freeing you up for saying “yes” to? Comment it below!! Send me a message! GIRL, CALL ME! I may be out doing things with my family and saying “no” to responding to you right away (and working on that guilt I’ll be feeling about it), but I promise I won’t leave you on read forever!
Thank you for listening to me ramble on, I told y’all it wouldn’t be organized (I am writing this while my toddler rages on around me, after all). Thank you for being a part of this online community I’m trying to create that’s full of love and acceptance and corny humor.
Just… thank you. Period.